i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
