FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
