oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
