After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
