We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
