I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
