I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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