He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
