Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
