Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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