it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
