How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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