Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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