Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
