First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
