Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
