i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
