You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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