She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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