Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
