He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
