You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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