There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
