How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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