The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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