Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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