saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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