She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
