I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
