she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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