Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
