the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
