I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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