Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
