i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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