I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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