Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
