i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am naked and annoyed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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