Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
