woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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