O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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