He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
