We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
