The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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