Umm I'm too high to move.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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