Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
