I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
