Only a mothe r could love this liver
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
