I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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