new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's the barista slut.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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