honey bunches of taint.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
