Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
