Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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