you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
