You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
