Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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