I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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