We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
