OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
