Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
