Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
