Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
