Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
