Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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