this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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