um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
