Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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