Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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