mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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