that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So squirting runs in the family.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
