I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
