I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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