I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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