he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
