The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
