Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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