Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
