I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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