I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
