how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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