sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
