U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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