then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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