you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
