I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
