just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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