Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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