Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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