I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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