2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
