I could have mohawked her pubes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have fence marks all over my body
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
