dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
