She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
